Support Your Loved One Through ERP Therapy and Life with OCD
Living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can be incredibly challenging, not only for the individual but also for their loved ones. Pursuing therapy often brings a mix of relief and hope, yet it can feel overwhelming. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, a proven approach for treating OCD, benefits greatly from the involvement of a supportive network. ERP therapy involves exposing individuals to their obsessions in a controlled way while helping them resist compulsions. Though this process can be emotionally taxing, a supportive network can make a significant difference in navigating the journey to healing.
If your loved one is going through ERP therapy or managing OCD, here are practical ways to provide support:
Learn about OCD and ERP Therapy
OCD is a mental health condition that can sometimes develop due to a person’s genetics or after going through a stressful or challenging experience. Research shows that certain parts of the brain in people with OCD function differently, particularly in areas related to decision-making and managing fears.
OCD causes individuals to experience obsessions—unwanted, persistent thoughts or fears. In an attempt to relieve the anxiety caused by these thoughts, they may engage in compulsions, such as repeating actions, performing routines, or seeking reassurance. Examples of obsessions might include a fear of causing an accident that could harm someone, constantly questioning whether they love someone enough, or striving for perfectionism, such as feeling that things have to be 'just right'.
ERP therapy helps by breaking the cycle of OCD by learning to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort. Educating yourself on ERP therapy could include reading reputable books or articles, attending workshops, joining a support group or asking your loved one’s therapist for resources.
Avoid Accommodating Compulsions
One of the most common challenges family members face when supporting a loved one with OCD is finding the balance between validating their loved one’s experience and reinforcing their compulsions. Wanting to alleviate your loved one’s distress, by accommodating their compulsions—like providing reassurance, participating in rituals, or reinforcing or modifying routines to avoid triggering their anxiety—can unintentionally reinforce the OCD cycle.
Accommodating compulsions involves actions that enable or support OCD-driven behaviors.
Some examples include:
Reassurance-seeking is the act of repeatedly asking for confirmation or validation to ease anxiety or doubt, often providing only temporary relief.
If your loved one repeatedly asks, “Are you sure I ____?” and you consistently confirm, you might reinforce their need for external reassurance.
Confirming that fears or obsessions are unfounded.
Validating others' reactions to confirm they aren’t upset or angry.
Avoidance is staying away from situations or objects to prevent triggering their anxiety.
Helping your loved one avoid certain places, like public restrooms, to prevent contamination fears.
Intentionally not watching specific TV shows or movies to prevent disturbing thoughts for them.
Avoiding certain people to prevent intrusive thoughts or fears about causing harm.
Participation in rituals refers to the engagement in repetitive behaviors or mental acts performed in response to obsessive thoughts or fears.
Allowing the counting of objects or performing specific movements in a set order to reduce anxiety.
Helping organize items by color, size, or shape to create a sense of order and control.
These actions can feel helpful in the short term, they help OCD feel bigger, making it harder for your loved one to break the cycle of OCD.
Be Patient with the Process
ERP therapy is not a quick fix, setbacks are normal and progress often comes in small steps. OCD can feel isolating and going through an exposure is uncomfortable and your loved one may experience frustration during exposures. Resist the urge to rush them or to move on from the emotions. Instead, empower them without the pressure by affirming their work “ It is okay to be anxious, I see how hard you are working.” Offering validation does not mean agreeing with the obsessive thought, it is simply showing empathy for their experience.
Celebrate the Progress
Seeking help takes courage and effort, doing ERP therapy is learning to become comfortable with the ambiguity of our fears, that is no small feat. Celebrate, the big and little wins, whether it is completing an exposure or your loved one becoming more in tune with compulsions that they might have been unaware of.
Supporting a loved one through ERP therapy and living with OCD is a journey that requires patience, empathy, and teamwork. By educating yourself, setting healthy boundaries, and offering compassionate encouragement, you can help their recovery.
Family and social support make a difference. If you or your loved one need additional support, consider reaching out to a therapist specializing in OCD and ERP therapy. As a professional with experience in ERP, I’m here to help individuals and families work through these challenges.
Written by Ruth Assi, LMSW
Connect with me and book a free consultation at theandwaytherapy.com/ruth-assi
